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- Dos and Don'ts of Sibling Rivalry. by Carolyn Khan LCPC
DOs and DON'Ts of Sibling Rivalry
by Carolyn Khan, LCPC
DOs
Expect that your child will have trouble getting used to the new baby so prepare them.
Give each child individual attention.
Understand that fighting with another sibling is a safer way to vent anger since a child will be more trouble for fighting at school or fighting with a parent.
Teach your child appropriate ways to deal with anger - writing, punching a pillow, problem solving, playing with clay, etc.
Remember that in most families sibling rivalry diminishes as the children grow older.
Understand how you feel about each child and the individual needs of each child.
Treat older children differently than younger children. With age comes additional responsibilities and privileges.
Place each child in a time-out chair until they both calm down.
Let them calmly find out a solution for their problems with each other.
Let your child have an area or room or a shelf or anyplace that they can store things that they do not have to share.
Point out the positive differences that each child has such as playing music, writing, sports, making friends, telling jokes, leadership skills, ability to compromise, etc.\
BE PREPARED WHEN FRIENDS VISIT. Work out areas and times on the video games, TV, computer, etc. before the friends arrive.
Arrange for children to have different teachers, coaches, etc.
Involve the siblings in the planning of another sibling's birthday party.
Be patient and use humor. These are the best weapons we have to survive the toughest and hardest job anyone has ever given us.
DON'Ts
Don't dress your children alike. Even twins have seperate personalities.
Don't give attention for bad behavior.
Don't ignore anger behavior. Plan how to discipline your child before the behavior occurs.
Don't forget that it is your responsibility to protect a younger child from an older child.
Don't always fight with your children and never show them how you work out your problems.
Don't try to give your children the same things or expect the same successes. Some days one child will need you more than another child and one child may put out more effort but get lower grades than their siblings.
Don't over-react to fighting
Don't try to find out who started the fighting.
Don't allow one child to squeal to you about another child - get your information straight from the source.
Don't make one child clean up another's mess.
Dont' compare children.
Don't just punish bad behavior without rewarding good behavior.
Don't assume that the older child wants to babysit.
Don't forget to ask siblings to help cheer up or encourage another sibling who is having a problem.
